Well, it is nice to be home from the hospital.
My bed has been moved to the den with a nice big TV, wii, and netflix. I'd rather not spend the next 6 weeks rotting in front of the tube, but its nice to fall asleep to and zone out for a few hours.
I've been pretty ok since leaving the hospital, and surprisingly I feel good. Minimal pain, minor stiffness, and I don't get so dizzy when I stand anymore. As for my spirits, they vary. Usually I stay really positive, which is helped by being surrounded by beautiful flowers, lovely cards, and silly balloons.
Today I had a dip.
I decided to be "brave" and remove the gauze and bandage from my wound. I know what you're thinking, "Elaine... you're tapped" but seriously, air does need to get to it in order to breathe. So I shuffled into the bathroom, and after about a minute and a half, I tossed out the last hospital-smelling thing attached to my body. My scar is a little bigger than I anticipated, and though I know the color of it will fade, it's a darkish reddy-brown. Instantly I felt super woozy, just like I did in the hospital when they asked me to walk around, and I'll bet my BP was a cool 80/50. Mom helped me back into bed and I slept for the next two hours. I woke up feeling groggy and annoyed. Rory had been at the gym for the last 2 hours, as was all my other buff friends. I went to walk out on the back deck, and you'd of thought I told my parents I was moving to Botswana. I know I need to take things slow, but I feel a little stir crazy right now with it being beautiful out and everyone else going about normal lives... and mine feels as if it is on hold the next 2 months.
I've also been freaking out about what it is going to be like out in public. Teddy's birthday is coming up the first of July, and we always have a nice family dinner out at a restaurant of his choice... Obviously I know no one is going to point and say "hey, check out neck brace girl", but I thought I had enough improvements to make on my body BEFORE this whole mess happened, now there's just something SCATHINGLY blatant on me. I know I am sounding so vain, and I apologize, this is very new. And very uncomfortable. But not permanent.
Later this evening, I felt super down; mostly because my incision felt super tight and just uncomfortable and
I just couldn't find the right position with my pillows. I started to mutter mostly to myself how sucky I felt. Mom was watching television while I struggled and told me a story.
"So I was reading this article in Dad's Sport's Illustrated (weird mom...) about this sophomore in college whole was an all star on his baseball team."
"Yeah... so..." I replied.
"Well, he was supposedly a center fielder. He was running full speed and smashed head first into the right fielder, fracturing his T-5 and T-7 vertebrae. He's paralyzed from the waist down."
After hearing this, tears swam in my eyes.
"I know you feel frustrated, Elaine," continued my mom, "but seriously just remembered how lucky you were, you were millimeters away from a different fate."
She is absolutely right. I am still blown away, as was every doctor and surgeon I came in contact with, as to how I left my accident with NO other breaks except for a slight C4 fracture and a severe C6 fracture... but with no serious repercussions? No numbness no tingling, no severe pain either. I do feel very lucky, and also very eerie. I've been giving this overwhelming feeling of a second chance, and I am compelled to do something bigger and better than I have ever embarked on before. I want a serious project to undertake or a new crazy goal to shoot for.
I guess I have plenty of time to plan it all out.