Monday, April 2, 2012

Re Vamp

Been a while since I blogged, and that probably explains my anxiety and unchecked feelings as of late. I was going to save a post like this to one of my more private blogs, but I decided to share it on Fettle, because I created this blog to be about wellness; not just physical but mental and emotional too.

About a month or so ago, (maybe longer I do not really know) I started to feel uneasy, anxious, and just not myself. It was not anything specific that brought it on, though going back to school this semester totally made me nervous. It just crept in a spread its chill into my veins, like a spider building a web. My nightmares came back, and they became more violent and disturbing. I always sleep through the night, but rarely is my sleep peaceful, let alone restful.

I started to conclude that maybe I am out of check somehow with the universe. I know, hippy sounding right? Not knocking it for anyone else, but the thought of seeking professional help on a stuffy couch with some shrink who will most likely only write me some prescription that will only mask my feelings is not for me. So I sought other means to deal with my...well inward roller coaster.

I started practicing yoga regularly. This has helped, but not as instantly as I thought it might. Granted, I have been going regularly for only a month or so. Some classes I can get so in the groove and hit most of the poses like a pro, and other days, like today, I just want to sit in child's pose and not move or think.

I have also been meat free for 15 days. In my recent history this is the longest I have been meat free (since 2008 anyways). I am still eating fish, and VERY small amounts of dairy. Basically, I watched a disheartening video on some PETA webpage that made me cry (I was overly emotional that day anyway) and sick at the same time. We will see what happens with this. In the past, I have never taken the welfare of the animals as a main reason to stop consuming meat, but it feels right for the time being.

I also leased a horse for the summer. Yeah, weird right? I dont really know why I decided to. Just bored with typical workouts or activities I have been doing lately, and I really wanted something new. Plus it is a great way to connect with both nature and an animal. It teaches you to listen and direct. And it is a better butt and core workout than any zumba class.

Summer is approaching and I need to just relax and be grateful I am even here to enjoy this one after what happened in the last one. I'm just feeling so out of touch with everyone and thing. I need a new workout plan that refreshes me, not oppreses, and I need to engage myself in things that I believe are good. I really want to believe that the choices I make are the right ones for myself; now and down the line.